Editor’s note: This story contains details about suicide that may be disturbing to some readers.
Haley Porter never stopped caring for others, even in the last minutes of her life.
The Keswick woman, nicknamed “Babygirl” by mother Robin Legault, was the kind of gentle person reminiscent of a Disney princess, who would feed chipmunks from her hand, or nurse a bumblebee back to health with sugar water, or refuse to step on a fly.
She dressed with a punk-rock style and a chain with a lock around her neck and loved the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who played in Toronto on the day she died.
Haley, suicide note in hand, stepped in front of a southbound GO Transit train as it travelled through the north end of Bradford West Gwillimbury on July 15. She was 21.
“I know she fought with her demons,” said Legault, sitting in a coffee shop recently, as patrons brushed past the table and ska played from the speakers. “You don’t know how much she fought. When someone’s in that situation, it’s like a black cloud.”
Haley was a happy-go-lucky kid, who was sometimes picked on because she never wanted to fight back. She was pious and scolded others for taking God’s name in vain, and was also a lover of space and ancient history who could tell stories about Egypt and recite names from Greek mythology.
She loved the family cottage in Haliburton and taught herself to swim, a skill that came in handy when she saved a friend from drowning there two years ago.
Her brother, Jaspin Porter, fondly recalls how Haley would act like a second mother, pushing him to be better, and that they’d go chill at the park or play Fortnight or Minecraft.
“We didn’t hang out a lot,” he said. “But I obviously loved her a lot. She was an inspiration for me getting into making music.”
However, the COVID-19 pandemic sent Haley into a tailspin and “beat her down.” She was often isolated, had trouble finding consistent work and her close friend and “soulmate” died of an overdose, Legault said.
Haley liked to get “blackout high,” said Legault, and she was eventually diagnosed with depression. In May, Haley tried to overdose, too, and spent several days in the hospital.
But Legault thought her daughter was recovering, and they began formulating plans to visit Ripley’s Aquarium in Toronto and Halloween Haunt at Canada’s Wonderland.
Then Haley mentioned she wanted to search for a job, and started mapping out transit routes. On the Monday when she died, Haley told her mom she was taking a bus into Newmarket. Instead, she went to Tim Hortons, where it is believed she wrote the note, and then caught a rideshare to a spot near the tracks.
“She knew what she was doing,” Legault said. “She did not want us to worry or see anything. We thought she took that bus to Newmarket, but she was smarter than that. I’m glad she’s not suffering. She was so unhappy at the end of her life. She just wasn’t the same person.”
According to South Simcoe police, the incident happened around 1:30 p.m., in the vicinity of the rail crossing at the 12th Line and 20th Sideroad intersection, located in a rural area.
A media relations official for Metrolinx, the parent agency of GO, says the train was carrying about 200 passengers southbound to Union Station in Toronto.
Metrolinx was asked to provide statistics regarding the number of fatalities and serious injuries that have occurred along its GO rail system over the last few years. However, spokesperson Andrea Ernesaks said that information is not “publicly available.”
“We are deeply saddened by the fatality that occurred recently on the Barrie GO line,” she said. “Our thoughts are with the family and loved ones of this individual, and with our employees and first responders that were affected by this event. These events are always incredibly challenging for everyone and Metrolinx has offered support to both our personnel and customers who may have been impacted by the incident.”
The agency is “continually enhancing” safety and security across the rail network, with all employees “trained on how to safely work and operate on” it, Ernesaks said.
“In addition to our existing safety measures, we have upgraded fencing and signage at high trespassing areas and have installed special heavy-duty rubber mats that help deter people from walking into restricted areas around train tracks,” she said. “Safety is paramount, and we will continue to make it the top priority for our customers, colleagues and communities.”
As well, many level crossings across the Greater Toronto and Hamilton area have been upgraded with new arms and flashing lights; some areas have had new bridges and underpasses built that separate trains from pedestrians and traffic, Ernesaks said.
Legault was clear, though — this was a step her daughter wanted to take.
“Unfortunately, depression seems to be the silent killer,” Legault said. “She did leave a note and she apologized to everyone who would have to be involved … especially the driver of the train. She never meant to traumatize anyone, but felt this was the only foolproof way of exiting this world quickly. She never meant to inconvenience anyone.”
Now, her family plans to honour her memory in several ways. Haley’s urn has a space-themed wrap and dons a chain and lock. Legault plans to advocate for mental-health issues, and has a fresh tattoo of Haley’s signature.
“We’re all human; we all have feelings,” Legault said. “Our job on this Earth is to help one another out. Show kindness. It doesn’t cost anything. Hold a door open. Compliment at least one person a day. You never know what kind of an impact that kind of thing can make. You never know what people are truly going through. There’s a lot of hate in this world; people are fighting their own demons every day.”
The federal government has launched a 24-hour nationwide helpline for individuals who are experiencing a mental-health crisis, and their family or friends. Call or text 988 any time to reach a trauma-informed, culturally affirmed specialist. Or, learn more about the program by visiting 988.ca.
